My friend Shane and I went to 10,000 B.C. last night. I think we were both kind of expecting the same thing – a mediocre story with some cool computer effects and some big set pieces. That’s pretty much exactly what we got, but the story wasn’t mediocre, it was really crap.
The movie begins with a voice over (could it be Omar Shariff?) that speaks the Queen’s English, and throws the viewer off right away. Shouldn’t there be more grunting, etc. Our hero D’leh lives with his tribe of hunters who live by hunting the Mamuk – which are mammoths or mastadons I’m not sure which, and apparently their numbers are really dwindling.
The real story centres around D’leh, a kind of accidental hero who is in love with the blue-eyed Evolet. She is captured by four-legged demons (men on horses. I thought I learned the stirrup wasn’t invented until about 4000 years ago, oh well) and the chase is on. The movie tries its hand at great cinematography by showing sweeping panoramic shots of mountain peaks and snowstorms as D’leh and some of his kinsmen chase the horsemen. Suddenly, they march down the slope of a mountain – into a tropical jungle?! In the jungle they face some possessed ostrich type birds which prove to be tricky and feisty. Soon they march out of the jungle and into a desert!? Where was this filmed? When did all of the Earth’s ecosystems co-exist within a couple of miles of each other. Could the screen play writer not have included a ‘they walked for miles and miles’ line in there between the other shots?
Anyways, soon they notice their friends and families are being taken into slavery on large slave ships. I seem to remember the sail wasn’t invented until about 5000 years ago, oh well.
Eventually they catch up to the mean slavers at a egyptian/babylonian zigurrat/pyramid/temple. Hard to say, but it looks like it could be any of them. Then in the film’s climax, D’leh (or maybe it was the general from 300) throws his spear into a god/man/king to end it all.
Strangely enough I actually liked the film. Maybe it was the effects, or the slave revolt, but I actually had fun. It’s not on my list of best movies for sure, but it’s worth at least $5.
Corniest line of the movie: D’leh sees a huge sabre-tooth cat drowning and is trapped under a log. He says “If I let you out, don’t eat me.”
Funniest moment at the theatre: At the end of the movie the theatre guys turned the screen off during the credits, the girl in the row in front of me says: “Oh, that would have been the best part…”