Que es alto? April 28, 2008

 

‘For the first time’, a mayor is planning on giving men in his little Chilean town 4 Viagra pills a month to improve their ‘quality of life’.

Apparently older men aren’t having enough intercourse in Lo Prado, so the mayor is prepared to allow for up to four sexual relationships per month after passing a screening process. The program will cost the poor town $20,000 to start off.

Aren’t there any pot holes to fill, or trees to plant, seriously!

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Who Then Can be Saved? February 28, 2008

There is an interesting article on FirstThings.com about salvation. Avery Cardinal Dulles, S.J., has written an essay adapted from the Laurence J. McGinley Lecture delivered on November 7, 2007.

Who, then, can be saved? Catholics can be saved if they believe the Word of God as taught by the Church and if they obey the commandments. Other Christians can be saved if they submit their lives to Christ and join the community where they think he wills to be found. Jews can be saved if they look forward in hope to the Messiah and try to ascertain whether God’s promise has been fulfilled. Adherents of other religions can be saved if, with the help of grace, they sincerely seek God and strive to do his will. Even atheists can be saved if they worship God under some other name and place their lives at the service of truth and justice. God’s saving grace, channeled through Christ the one Mediator, leaves no one unassisted. But that same grace brings obligations to all who receive it. They must not receive the grace of God in vain. Much will be demanded of those to whom much is given.

It’s obviously an important topic. I thought this last paragraph summed up the article (which is lengthy) quite well. The whole article is here.

US 193 February 16, 2008

 

Russia, I tend to agree with you.

Voices out of the Kremlin are claiming that the upcoming attempts of the US military to shoot one of their own satellites out of space with a missile is an (poorly veiled) opportunity to test a surface-to-space missile.

Americans claim that their bus-sized satellite, which is on the fritz and due to crash-land on Earth in early March, needs to be knocked to smaller bits because they don’t want anything on land wrecked, and more importantly there is 1000 pounds of hydrazine (the satellite’s fuel) which is very toxic.

According to WIkipedia,

Hydrazine is highly toxic and dangerously unstable, especially in the anhydrous form. Symptoms of acute exposure to high levels of hydrazine in humans may include irritation of the eyes, nose, and throat, dizziness, headache, nausea, pulmonary edema, seizures, coma, and it can also damage the liver, kidneys, and central nervous system. The liquid is corrosive and may produce dermatitis from skin contact in humans and animals. Effects to the lungs, liver, spleen, and thyroid have been reported in animals chronically exposed to hydrazine via inhalation. Increased incidences of lung, nasal cavity, and liver tumors have been observed in rodents exposed to hydrazine.

OK, so there’s a health risk. The conspiracy theorist in me says, so what. 70% of the Earth’ surface is water, and of the land, 90% of it isn’t USA. So that leaves two options that I can think of.

1. The USA has been under a bit of pressure lately from all kinds of other wannabe superpowers. Russia, China, al Queda all have qualms, quibbles and beefs with the US. They’ve been asserting their power and flexing their muscles all over the world in the last year or two. China recently blew one of their own old satellites out of the air with some kind of suped up laser. Russia is threatening Eastern Europe over potential cooperation with American missile defence systems and even going so far as to say there is a new arms race. Why not shut some pie-holes up by firing a missile from a boat on the ocean into outer space to destroy a satellite?
2. The other theory (and I personally like this one much better) is that the Americans have something on board the satellite besides the hydrazine that they don’t want anyone else to come in contact with. If 95% of the Earth isn’t the USA, there’s a darn good chance someone else could be around to pick up some of the pieces. Just exactly, what could those pieces be?

Well, check out what US 193 (the boring name of the satellite) translates into using webdings, wingdings 1, 2 and 3:

US 193

US 193

US 193

US 193

From these icons, I would conclude the contents may be square buttons, video tapes, trash cans, bull horns, file folders, diving helmets or perhaps the red cross blood donor records. Scary!

 Read what actual journalists are saying here.

Does It Get Any Worse Than This? February 3, 2008

Sure companies have made some terrible decisions. Mars Co. decided not to allow M&M’s to appear in the movie ET which gave Reese’s Pieces a shot at a movie role and lead to huge increases in market share. How about the family board game BallBuster which involved a small ball on a little chain that swung and broke little towers that players build. One of the investors said he knew it wasn’t going to sell well when he saw the first advertisement for the game which involved a husband turning to his wife after she broke his tower saying, “Honey, you’re a real ball-buster.”

But I don’t think marketers, advertisers or distributors could be dumber than to promote this little bed. A Lolita bed for young girls. Like seriously, no one in their entire company has never heard of this story? Brutal.

The ‘Mike Anderson’ vs Blood in My Urine January 14, 2008

The other day my brothers were over and we decided to make a little fruit cocktail. None of us are big drinkers, but all of us like to occasionally enjoy a tasty sip or two. My idea was to add a little bit of cranberry and orange juice to vodka over ice. Now I realize I’m not the first person to ever come up with this, but because of the order I added the ingredients (cranberry last) I had the distinct impression that the drink looked like blood in urine. I’ve never suffered from the ailment myself, but one can imagine.

It all reminded me and Andrew of our child hood friend Mike Anderson. We loved to play street hockey in front of our houses on good ol’ Beatty Cres. One night, I nailed goalie Mike with a slapshot (using a frozen tennis ball no less) right in the cajones. He ran inside. Minutes later he came back out with a triumphant - although pained - look on his face: “guys, I peed blood!”

Now I’m left with a dilemma. Do I call the new cocktail ‘Blood in My Urine’ or the ‘Mike Anderson’. It’s not as gross as the ‘dead chicken fetus in a bucket’ (drop of Baileys in vermouth served in martini glass) or as classy as a Tom Collins, but I think if you have a few you’ll agree its a tasty treat.

This weekend I was in Kananaskis with some friends, and I ordered a round of the drinks for 6 friends. They all loved it. I just wish it had a name. Drop me a line if you have any suggestions. And Mike, if you read this and your ears are burning, we drank to your health.

To Whom it May Concern: December 24, 2007

According to a report by an American think-tank, Israel would come out better in a nuclear war than Iran if the two were to go at it. Duh. Israel has been supplied for the last 50 years by their American allies to keep ‘peace’ in the Middle East.

Of course lately, Iran has been very vocal with its nuclear program. Interesting, especially after anti-Israeli comments by their president, and its pseudo alliances with Russia and Venezuela. Chavez, Putin and Ahmadinejad sort of seem like the three stooges of world takeover. With Chavez’s oil, Putin’s money and Ahmadinejad’s holocaust like tendencies, there may be some reason for concern here.

So American’s come out with this lame report. If you bother to attack Israel, they’ll win. And oh yeah, Syria if you even think about it your deserts will be turned to glass. Egypt, don’t bother cause the Aswan high dam will be the first thing to go.

I don’t envy the new American president after the next election. Consider:

• Venezuala’s anti-American rhetoric, weird alliances and cut throat oil policies
• The crap going on in the middle east. Not only is Iraq a total mess, Iran is gaining momentum, Syria’s a pain in the back side and oh yeah, Afghanistan still houses guys like Osama.
• Russia has gone from out-of-order former super-power, to out-of-control super freak. Putin’s claiming the North Pole, mobilizing troops, hording billions and saying strange things - some would consider threatening - to other countries
• China is ready to replace the U.S. as the world’s biggest economy (if it hasn’t already) is developing and displaying weapons that could be of great concern to anyone who’s not Chinese and has staged co-operative military operations with of all people - Russia.

There’s no time like the present for a Prince of Peace.

Chris Kooman World-Renowned Diplomat Strikes Again! November 14, 2007

                                                            

I’ve been called a genius, and sometimes I’d have to agree. My latest brainwave will solve major problems in two (count ‘em - two) countries: Puerto Rico and India.

My idea is to send Puerto Rican animal control officers (who seem to be a little bit over the top) to New Delhi where it seems no one is willing or able to take care of an overabundance of monkeys. Guess what, these guys will do it!

Read the following articles, and I’ll wait here for my upcoming ambassador nominations.

Puerto Rico animal control officers on rampage.

New Delhi monkeys on rampage.